The practice of self-awareness

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Developing both internal self-awareness (how you see yourself) and external self-awareness (how others see you) is essential, as research suggests there is often no relationship between the two 
Below are impactful, evidence-based exercises from the sources to help you cultivate both.

Exercises for Internal Self-Awareness

1. Ask “What” Instead of “Why” Introspection can often lead to unproductive rumination when we ask “why” (e.g., “Why do I feel this way?”), which often forces us to invent wrong answers for unconscious motives. Instead, ask “what” questions to stay objective and future-focused.

  • The Practice: Replace “Why did I fail?” with “What are the situations that make me feel terrible, and what do they have in common?” or “What do I need to do to move forward..
2. The “Your Best Self” Exercise This exercise helps you identify your core passions and the environments where you thrive.

  • The Practice: Think back to a time when you were at your best and truly enjoying your work. Write down the details: What were you doing? What was the mission? What made it enjoyable? .
  • Analyze these notes to understand the “rocket fuel” that drives your high performance.
3. Label Your Thoughts and Emotions To avoid being "hooked" by negative internal chatter, you must view your thoughts as data rather than facts.

  • The Practice: Use the simple act of labeling. Instead of saying "I'm a failure," say, "I’m having the thought that I am a failure". This creates a "helicopter view" of your private experiences, which has been shown to promote beneficial changes in the brain.
4. Mental Models for Clarity Using "mental models" helps strip away fears, insecurities, and the influence of others' opinions.

  • The Practice: Write down your answers to hypothetical scenarios:
    • If you had only one year left to live, how would you spend it? .
    • If you had enough money to do anything, what career would you pursue? .
    • What would you like to tell your grandchildren about your professional accomplishments? .

Exercises for External Self-Awareness

1. The Presence Audit Since we often suffer from the "transparency illusion"—the belief that people see exactly what we intend—you must gather crowdsourced impressions.

  • The Practice: Select five colleagues (bosses, peers, and direct reports) who will tell you the "cold, hard truth". Ask them two specific questions:
    1. What’s the general perception of me? .
    2. What could I do differently that would have the greatest impact on my success?
  • Crucial step: Manage your reaction by resisting the urge to defend yourself; simply listen and thank them.
2. Meal with a “Loving Critic” A "loving critic" is someone who has your best interests at heart but is willing to be brutally honest.

  • The Practice: Invite a trusted friend or mentor to a meal. Ask them to tell you the one thing that annoys them most about you. You are not allowed to answer defensively; you must only listen with an open heart.
3. Ask for “Just One Thing” Feedback is often more useful when it is requested in small, manageable pieces.

  • The Practice: Throughout the year (not just during annual reviews), ask a variety of colleagues: “What’s one thing you see me doing (or failing to do) that holds me back?”. This makes the process less overwhelming and identifies your "growth edge".
4. Test a “Working Hypothesis” If you suspect you have a specific blind spot, treat it like a scientific experiment.

  • The Practice: Formulate a hypothesis, such as "I think I come across as timid when I meet with clients; is that your experience?". Testing one or two specific suspicions at a time helps you stay focused without getting overwhelmed.
5. The Video Interview Watching yourself can reveal habits you were previously unaware of, such as a "thinking face" that looks like annoyance.

  • The Practice: Have a friend film you while they ask you questions. Watch it back to analyze your body language, tone of voice, and gestures. Determine if there is anything about your physical presence you wish to change

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